Motherhood, In my opinion ( I have 5 so I am qualified to say this) it is the hardest job on earth. And, unfortunately these cute lil cherubs that coo and smile turn into mouthy teenagers and whiney kids that bring you to not so proud moments out of desperation…
An great example…this morning…
** All names of the not so innocent have been changed to help ensure to possibility of future college admissions.**
Me:(Ever so pleasant as I start out my day with the false belief that today will work out better) “Jayloo”, “Elisa” honey get up. You have to get ready for school.NO RESPONSE but I continue onto the next of my brood.
Me: (Still pleasant) “Brant” get up you have to get ready for school.
“Brant”: Ugh! (not that I disagree but it can’t be changed so…)
Me: (still pleasant but noting that no sounds are coming from the others that have already been woke up) “Kylee” come on honey. Remember you wanted to read me your story before school again. (See this is a classic example of where I set up the scheme the night before of her reading to me as an angle to prompt her to get up in hopes that this child who sleeps like she is dead and I end up having to wrestle out of bed and dress like a rag doll will decide reading to me would be so much fun she just HAS to get up to enjoy it) Come on Kyla hurry or you won’t have time.
Me: (walking over to “Jayloo’s” bed and shaking her some, still pleasant but trying not to let them here the deperation in my voice) Jay come on honey don’t do this . Please get up.
“Jayloo”: (looking at me wide eyed and clearly not too happy, she will be 13 in Jan….enough said) Gosh mom! Why do you have to be so mean! I was up! ( well I don’t know what they are being taught in school but she clearly was not up, but I let this slide.)
Me: “Elisa”. Please get up. Come on it’s getting late.
“Elisa”: (this one will be 12 in April) Geez mom! I am!
I walk into the kitchen to start getting everything together. “Brant” and “Elisa” coming running toward the bathroom( our only bathroom at the moment and with renovation going on everywhere the place is not so organized at the moment..sigh…but that’s a story for another day) Well these too are racing for the door pushing tripping screaming as I stand there numb and unfazed because this unfortunately is out morning routine.
“Elisa”: Mom! He is pushing me and I was up first! Tell him to move !! ( at this moment they are both wedged in the door frame)
“Brant”: Was not! She tripped me on purpose and my arm already hurt from basketball and now it hurts worse. At this moment he starts to cry holding his arm limp at his side. (this one is nine and he is mouthy and whiney…. Yes I am that lucky)
Me: Glancing at the clock…
Me: Ok “Elisa” go in there and “Brant” come to me and I will look at your arm. ( At that precise moment “Elisa” utters a triumpant “ha” and goes into the bathroom.)
“Brant”:( forgetting his injury at the moment of his loss, starts whining again. Shocker…) What! That’s not fair she did push me I swear! (at this moment a light bulb in his head goes off about his injury and he grabs his arm agian) Look at it. I already hurt it yesterday and then she pushed me. And you let her. And its because you hate me.
Me: (not shocked but the…unfortunately…by what is transpiring but I try to keep my calm and say…) Bub I don’t hate you I love you. But it’s...
( at this moment I look at the clock…6:19…Seriously…ugh…be calm be calm.) it’s getting late and I have to get you all on the bus because if you miss then there is no way to get you all to two different schools on time.
“Brant”: (clearly not phased by this goes on)…but I was going in there first that’s not fair!…(WAILS and stomps away..)
At this moment “Kylee” and “Jayloo” have not been heard from and it is 6:23 AM.
I begin walking into their bedroom.
Me:(a little less than pleasant) Jay! I said get up! Your bus comes soon and you are not even up!
“Jayloo”: I am up mom! Geez! I just had my eyes closed and was seeing what you were going to do cause i like freaking you out( ok…I buy the “I like to freak you out part…but…she was clearly asleep.)
Me:(not even caring to argue the was up not up fact I say..) hurry up because I have to pick you up early for an orthodontist appointment and you can’t be late.
“Jayloo”: OK! Geez why do you have to always be mean to me! I swear you hate me!
I walk into “Kylee’s” room and she has not even moved a muscle. So I begin dressing her. I get her fully dressed while in the meantime I here shouting and fighting something about tank tops and shoes and who knows what else because for my sanity I blocked it out from that moment on.
Once dressed I set her up on the floor and tell her to get her shoes. She manages a small wailing “No!” (this one is 6) I tell her once again that she needs to hurry if she wants to read to me. She crawls back on her bed as I grab her ankles and drag her back to the end of the bed.
“Kylee”: NO!!! Let me go I hate school why do I have to go. Your so mean. You hate us.
“Kylee” does manage to make it into the living room frowning and complaining the whole time. When I get into the living room there is still a war going on between the three older ons and two of them are crying.
Afraid to ask but seeing no other choice I say…
Me: What happened?
They all start shouting their sides of the story to which what I could gather between the “facts” being shouted and knowing the history of these three happened a little like this… I put “Jayloo’s” tank top in with “Elisa'” clothes “on purpose and “Elisa” knew it was”Jayloo’s” and wore it anyway and now wouldn’t take it off. To which “Elisa’s” defense” was that “Jayloo” wore her shoes the other day so it was even. Then apparently “Jayloo” tried to take the tank top and between thr pulling and tugging “jayloo” got her mouth hit with an elbow and she has braces so it cut her lip. Mad she smacks “Elisa” “Brant” having no involvement except apparently smelling blood “Brant” decieds to join and smacks “Jayloo” for hitting “Elisa”.
UGH!! Well by this time it is 6:48 AM and NO ONE is ready and the first bus comes at 7:05 and the second comes at 7:15. It is already dawning on me that today will NOT be better.
Well, I finally am at the point of where the not so proud mama moments come into play because I have had enough. I finally say…
Me: I don’t care. Get ready because if you miss the bus you are going to do chores all day long…and be grounded from the computer for a month and…( thankfully God made me stop here..)
Kids: What! Not Fair! BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Me: (trying to regain my composure and feeling bad for my outburst and not knowing what to do I decide to try begging…bad move…they smell fear) Please kids…come on “Cadet” is asleep and I really need him to stay asleep because I have work to do (this sleeping one is 2 and full of energy)…Please don’t miss the bus…please cooperate…please be quiet so he doesn’t wake up.
By this time it is 6:57AM.
I hurry and get bowls of cereal to which the wail about wanting real food, etc. I try to explain that when stuff gets this insane in the morning they better be glad they have time for cereal.
While they are eating their creal I am watching the clock and biting my nails to the quick…
“Kylee”: Hey mom why do clouds look white and the sky look blue?
Me: I don’t know honey( thinking ..what?? Seriously)
“Kylee”: Why not?
Mom: I just don’t..hurry and make the bus maybe we can look it up tonight.
“Kylee”: Okay. Oh mom you said I could read that story.
Me: Yeah, Ky but it’s too late now.
“Kylee”: (with a mouth full of cereal she begins to wail) But MOOOOM!!!
“Jayloo”: Tell her to hush!! Geez Ky why are you such a baby!! Quit being a brat!!
“Kylee”: I am not a brat you are!! You’re mean like a ….like a …like a garbage can!!
“Jayloo” starts to laugh until I give her the yeah it was a terrible come back but you better hush look and she decided to quit.
“Elisa”: Oh mom I forgot I need this permission slip signs that says I am doing science fair and also I need %6.00 for a poster board and I want lime green but I don’t know if they have lime green but don’t you think that would be awesome??
Mom: Huh…yeah cool but…$6?? Since when is poster boards $6?
“Elisa”:I don’t know ..they just are and oh! I also need money for a snack at school because I got the honor roll so I get to buy a snack at school
Me: You got honor roll so you get to BUY a snack??!!
“Elisa”: Yeah cool huh!
Me: Too cool for words…
By this time it is 7:03 and “Brant” and “Kylee” are scrambling for their book bags.
“Kylee”: Mom where is that thing I gave you the other day that I said I needed? (clearly this one is going to be a politician because I know she said SOMETHING but it meant nothing)
Me: What Thing? I don’t know what you mean.
“Kylee”: You knooowww! The thing I said to fill out so I can get that thingy that glows and a spongebob t-shirt.
Me: (thinking …oh that thing …crap…no clue…but saying…) Hmm I don’t know I will look for it and if I find it bring it to school.
By this time “Brant” is at the door shouting.
“Brant”: COME ON KY!!
“Kylee”: Don’t tell me what to do you’re not my boss!!
“Brant”: Well I am you’re big brother and that makes me in charge!
As they walk out the door they are continuing the “are not!” “are to!” argument.
I turn to the older to and remind them to hurry. At this moment seeking I am getting weaker by the moment “Jayloo” moves in for the kill.
“Jayloo”: (smirking because she asks the dumbest questions alll the time on purpose to drive me crazy) Hey mom if we were stranded on a desert island for the rest of our lives and only had a truck full of DVD’d for entertainment and there were 10,000 DVD’s and we could watch 3 DVD’s per day would we have enough DVD”D to last for the rest of our life?
Me: Come on Jay I am not in the mood you are going to miss your bus.
“Jayloo”: You are no fun! I mean trhe fun has been sucked out of you!
I want to agree and point out that she is one of the biggest vacumes but I choose not to.
“Elisa”: Mom what day is crosspoint arcade?
“Jayloo”: There is a dance at school too.
“Elisa”: I know but me and Grace decided that we were not going to the dance cause we want to go to cross point arcade instead.
“Jayloo”: COPIER! You heard me say I wasn’t going to the dance cause of the crosspoint arcade and you copied me! Plus! Grace thinks I am funner than you!
Me: Quit fighting I don’t care who doesn’t go to the dance cause I would rather you both go to cross point arcade anyway
They look at me silent… ignoring me continue to argue their way out the door to make the bus slamming the door on the way out.
As I take a deep breath “Cadet” starts to cry and I give up on my “better morning”. Oh well, maybe tomorrow…